right then, im not sure if anyone else has noticed this but the forum seems to be less chatty at the moment.
everyday you see 20+ poeple looking at it but not enough posters!
so here are some random old rubbishy mildly amusing jokes to pass the time.
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
0
wake up forum
Started by phat-ant, May 31 2006 11:52 AM
164 replies to this topic
#5
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- Slags
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[BIATCH]Ho
- Location:Caerphilly
Posted 31 May 2006 - 10:34 PM
ok here comes another.
Little Nancy was in the garden using her toy shovel to fill a big hole with earth when the man who lived next door peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked "What are you doing there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him".
The neighbour was very concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it"?
Nancy slowly patted down the last heap of dirt, then replied "That's because he's inside your f*ckin' cat."
Little Nancy was in the garden using her toy shovel to fill a big hole with earth when the man who lived next door peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked "What are you doing there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him".
The neighbour was very concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it"?
Nancy slowly patted down the last heap of dirt, then replied "That's because he's inside your f*ckin' cat."
lemons
#7
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[BIATCH]Ho
- Location:Lancashire
#9
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- Guests
Posted 01 June 2006 - 08:56 AM
>What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who
>comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then
>slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty
>comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then
>slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty
#10
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- Guests
Posted 01 June 2006 - 08:57 AM
havent got a wife but iv got alot of wife jokes,
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
>asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard
>Prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
>
>Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
>sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
>going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a
>year".
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
>asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard
>Prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
>
>Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
>sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
>going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a
>year".
#11
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- Slags
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[BIATCH]Ho
- Location:Caerphilly
Posted 01 June 2006 - 09:28 AM
AHHAHAHAHHA love it.
more more more.
"Can I have some Irish Sausages please?", asked Paddy.
The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?"
"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would yaw, ay? Would Ya?"
The assistant says, "Well no".
"And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't!"
So with self-indignation, the Irishman says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"
The Assistant replies, "Because you're in Fucking homebase."
more more more.
"Can I have some Irish Sausages please?", asked Paddy.
The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?"
"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would yaw, ay? Would Ya?"
The assistant says, "Well no".
"And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't!"
So with self-indignation, the Irishman says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"
The Assistant replies, "Because you're in Fucking homebase."
lemons
#14
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[BIATCH]Ho
- Location:Manchester
- Interests:Kickin ass on Cs:s
Posted 01 June 2006 - 11:04 AM
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up a romantic relationship. Since both of them were in their eighties, their physical contact was rather limited. However, every evening as they sat together on the sofa, Edna would unzip Abe's fly, pull out his penis and hold it in her hand for twenty minutes. This satisfied the two of them adequately.
One day, Abe told Edna it was all off. He told her he was leaving her for Mabel - one of the other old dears at the nursing home. Naturally, Edna was a little miffed.
"Heavens! What's she got that I haven't got?'' she asks.
''Parkinson's,'' said Abe.
A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man in a bar.
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ye see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..." blurts the old man.
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
"Look here at the bar. Do ye see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down with me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor for eight days. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." claims the old man.
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ye see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." says the old man.
Then the old man looks around nervously, making sure no one is paying attention. "But ye screw one goat..."
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up a romantic relationship. Since both of them were in their eighties, their physical contact was rather limited. However, every evening as they sat together on the sofa, Edna would unzip Abe's fly, pull out his penis and hold it in her hand for twenty minutes. This satisfied the two of them adequately.
One day, Abe told Edna it was all off. He told her he was leaving her for Mabel - one of the other old dears at the nursing home. Naturally, Edna was a little miffed.
"Heavens! What's she got that I haven't got?'' she asks.
''Parkinson's,'' said Abe.
A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man in a bar.
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ye see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..." blurts the old man.
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
"Look here at the bar. Do ye see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down with me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor for eight days. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." claims the old man.
Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ye see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." says the old man.
Then the old man looks around nervously, making sure no one is paying attention. "But ye screw one goat..."
"You Are What U Eat " So I Must Be A Cunt :DD:
#15
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[BIATCH]Ho
- Location:Croydon
Posted 01 June 2006 - 06:29 PM
Ok a little old now as it was from March but got sent it again today....I do like the questions people asked 
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale
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