164 replies to this topic

[Squee]

god it's dead in here.where's Ant and his awesome jokes!?

well heres a really bad joke in an attempt to get ya's postin ur own terrible ones!




A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."

He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"

The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"

"I'll tell you why," says the dad. "There's really only three things a man wants in life.
First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That's mine.
Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight pussy and I had that too until fat-head here came along."






Katie

haha brilliant

[dave@biatch-clan.co.uk]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night.

Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy".

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way den."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. Shoite, Shoite!" he cries.

He looks to the doorway and says to himself that if he can just get to
The door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door
and shimmies up to the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels
much better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on
his face.

"Bejesus . . I'm fockin' focked," says he.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and collapses inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way." But he crawls
up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."

Again he pulls himself up by the doorframe, takes a step into the room
and falls flat on his face.
He says "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did, Jess, I did. I was fockin' pissed, and how did you know?"

"Mick the bartender phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub again."

[Katiexx]

rofl that's a good un



The seven dwarves went for lunch with the Pope.
"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other six
"ok" Dopey said "Sir are there any nuns in alaska?"
"Yes" the pope replied
"Go on Dopey, Ask him" the other six urged again.
"ok erm sir are there any black nuns in alaska"
"Yes of course" replied the pope.
"Go on Dopey,just ask him!!!" the other six urged again
Dopey blushes and asks. "sir, are there any dwarf nuns in Alaska?"
"no i don't think so" the pope replies.
All of a sudden the other six dwarves chime in 'Dopey shagged a penguin Dopey shagged a penquin!"




A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"



Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"
The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"





Katie

[phat-ant]

"At the age of six I was left an orphan.
What kind of brainless moron gives an orphan to a six year old?"

I was stopped the other day by a bloke who asked me whether there was a B&Q in Buckingham.
I replied "Don't ask me mate, I can't spell"

"Just been to the gym, used this new machine for nearly an hour before I started to feel a bit sick.
It's pretty good though, does everything....Kit Kats, Mars bars, Snickers..."

[Squee]

"At the age of six I was left an orphan.
What kind of brainless moron gives an orphan to a six year old?"

I was stopped the other day by a bloke who asked me whether there was a B&Q in Buckingham.
I replied "Don't ask me mate, I can't spell"

"Just been to the gym, used this new machine for nearly an hour before I started to feel a bit sick.
It's pretty good though, does everything....Kit Kats, Mars bars, Snickers..."

haha, bought a new joke book ant?